General Meeting
by Red Witch
Summary: General Hawk calls a meeting of the Joes. That's all I'm gonna say.


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Disclaimer: I do not own GI Joe, (As if you didn't know!) This is something that ran through my mind as something I personally always wanted to see. These guys must have meetings every now and then. Here's what one might be like.

**General Meeting**

"All right Joes! Listen up!" General Hawk shouted as he scanned the meeting hall. It was filled to capacity with the entire GI Joe team. "Time for our monthly meeting! First up, a word about today's target practice. It's been cancelled until further notice due to a shortage of targets."

"AWWWWW!"

"Thanks a lot Low Light and Sci Fi!" Leatherneck shouted.

"Y'know you guys aren't the only ones who like to blow stuff up!" Cross-Country said. "Leave some for the rest of us huh?"

"Alright! Settle down!" Hawk shouted. "Next item is extremely important! I can't emphasize this enough! I have heard too many complaints about sexual harassment on the base!"

"It wasn't me I swear!" Shipwreck yelped. "Whatever it was I didn't do it!"

"Not you Shipwreck!" Hawk groaned. "For once at least. I am referring to last night's incident! I cannot believe what I saw! The pawing! The grabbing of…well…the unwanted advances! The jokes were bad enough, but the underwear incident was the most appalling display of vulgarity I ever saw! Not only are all the guilty parties going on report, you are all required to take a sensitivity class!"

Hawk frowned at the groans coming from the group. "Now I want the guilty parties to apologize and return the stolen underwear! Now!"

"Oh all right," Lady Jaye sighed and pulled out a pair of boxers. "Sorry Flint."

"Yeah sorry," Scarlet handed Duke's underwear back to him. Duke turned bright red.

"Didn't mean anything," Cover Girl apologized. "We were just having fun guys." The guys blushed as she and the other female Joes returned the underwear to their respective owners.

"Hey! How come nobody stole my underwear!" Shipwreck shouted.

"Who'd want yours?" Alpine chuckled.

"Moving on to item three," Hawk continued.

"Uh I'll handle this one General," Beach Head stepped forward. "All right you yahoos! Listen up! Last night someone stole something from my quarters of personal value. Now I will give the guilty party 24 hours to return it before I press charges. If the item is returned before then, fine! No charges will be filed, no repercussions. That is all."

"Yes so whoever took Beach Head's teddy bear please return it," Hawk said.

Beach Head turned red as he heard the laugher fill the auditorium. "Sir!" he whined. "You promised you wouldn't tell!"

"I lied."

"Awww! Does poor little Beachy-Heady miss his Teddy Weddy?" Wet Suit guffawed.

"Shut up! All right! Which one of you did it? Who took it? Was it you Mutt? Dusty? Quick-Kick? Who? Who? Shipwreck? It was you Shipwreck, wasn't it? Where is it? What did you do with Sergeant Snuffles? Answer me!" Beach Head grabbed Shipwreck's shirt and started to throttle him. It took several Joes to pull them apart.

"Knock it off man!"

"Take it easy!"

"WHERE IS SERGEANT SNUFFLES?"

"Beach Head back off!"

"I WANT MY SERGEANT SNUFFLES!"

"You mean this?" Mainframe held up a brown bear wearing a little camouflage outfit.

"You took my bear?" Beach Head shouted as he stormed over to him.

"No I found him in the Laundry Room where you left him!" Mainframe said matter of factly. 

Beach Head sheepishly took the bear back. "Oh yeah right. Sorry," he apologized. Then he whispered to the bear, "Don't worry Sergeant! I'll never ever leave you behind again!"

"Okay," Hawk rolled his eyes. "Now that **that's **over with! I'd like to announce that Psyche-Out; our new shrink is starting a new group therapy program. Some of you may want to seriously consider signing up. And now I'm turning the floor over to Snow Job, who has some announcements to make of his own. Snow Job."

"Thanks General! Okay here are the results for this week's betting pools. In the pool for how many people get sick off of BA's cooking this week, the number was a mere 13. Wild Bill came the closest with 12. He wins the grand prize, a hundred bucks and a jar of antacids."

"Yeee Hahhhh! Hot Dog!"

"In the Jet Fighter division, the prize goes to Slipstream for the second time in a row for shooting down the most COBRA jets. This week's prize: a copy of the movie Top Gun. In the Target Practice contest, Low Light gets twenty bucks for a perfect score."

"Hey! I thought it was a hundred!" Low Light protested.

"It was but I had to deduct 80 to pay for that tire you blew out of Flint's jeep!"

"Oops. Sorry. Got carried away there."

"Finally the poker tournament will be postponed until further notice! This is due to Wednesday's incident!"

All the Joes turned their eyes to Leatherneck and Wet Suit. "What?" Leatherneck asked.

"Not my fault the Jar head doesn't know how to shuffle a deck!" Wet Suit defended.

"For the last time, there was nothing wrong with the deck!"

"Oh yes there was since you were dealing from the bottom of it!"

"ARE YOU CALLING ME A CHEATER?"

"YOU ARE A CHEATER!"

"Say that again," Leatherneck stood up and raised his fists.

"Say it! I'll shout it!" Wet Suit did likewise. "CHEATER CHEATER CHEATER!"

"That's it!" Leatherneck socked Wet Suit in the jaw. Wet Suit fought back. Soon half the room was trying to separate the two. Hawk put his head in his hands.

"Knock it off you two!"

"Let me at him! Let me at him!"

"Let me go! I just wanna kill him! Is that so wrong?"

"Back off you guys!"

"ATTEN-HUT!" Hawk shouted. Immediately every Joe stood still. "Leatherneck and Wet Suit! You two have KP duty for the next three months! Now sit down and shut up!"

Everyone quickly moved back to his or her seats. "Nice going lunkhead," Wet Suit hissed.

"Me? You're the one who started it!"

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did too!"

"DO I HAVE TO SEPARATE YOU TWO?"

"No sir," both men replied meekly.

"Okay," Hawk sighed. "Did I mention Psyche-Out's new group therapy program? Of course for some of you I may make attending it mandatory. Finally a few more things, I am pleased to note that Van Mark Industries has generously decided to donate its latest state of the art experimental weaponry to GI Joe."

"How'd you pull that off?" Beach Head asked.

"Well first of all Mr. Van Mark was grateful in us rescuing his daughter, Brittany."

"Yeah Lifeline remembers her!" Lift Ticket chuckled. Lifeline turned red as several Joes snickered.

"And secondly, we made a deal. Which leads me to the final part of the announcements. Two things. Number one: Doc, Lifeline no more wheelchair races in the halls!"

"Awww!" Doc and Lifeline groaned.

"Secondly, for some time now we've needed a head nurse in the medical department. Actually we needed a nurse period."

"So we finally got one?" Lifeline asked. "The Pentagon finally granted our request?"

"Not exactly," Hawk drummed his fingers nervously. "Um, remember that deal with Van Mark industries I told you all about? Turns out there was also a newly qualified nurse who flies helicopters in the bargain."

"Oh no…" Lifeline turned pale.

"So without further ado, I'd like to present our new head nurse. Code named…Bree."

From behind the wings Bree walked out. She was wearing a bright red medical jumpsuit similar to Lifeline's. Her long blond hair was tied in a ponytail. She smiled brightly.

"Yeah I know the code name's not original, but quite frankly I'm starting to have writer's block coming up with code names for all of you so…" Hawk explained. He was interrupted by a loud thump.

"Lifeline's fainted!"

Bree rushed with a concerned look on her face to Lifeline. "Oh! Let me see!" she cried. This prompted several outbursts.

"Ow! I think I hurt my spleen!" Shipwreck shouted.

"Ow! My pinky hurts!" Bazooka said.

"I've been getting headaches!"

"My hand hurts!" 

"Mine too!"

"Yours does not Wet Suit!"

"Yes it does! I must have broken it on your concrete head!"

"You did not!" 

"Did too!"

"Oh great!" Scarlet rolled her eyes. "Just what we need around here!"

"This is gonna be interesting," Lift Ticket chuckled.

"I hope she took more helicopter lessons," Lady Jaye sighed. 

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Something tells me that visits to the infirmary are gonna go up at least a hundred percent," Duke sighed.

"Y'know my wrist is starting to hurt," Falcon began rubbing his wrist.

"That's nothing compared to your face if you step one foot near the infirmary!" Jinx shouted.

"Does not!"

"Does too!"

"That concludes this meeting," Hawk moaned. "Psyche-Out, what time does group therapy start?"


End file.
